People. Really. The way we’re tiptoeing around this house is driving me totally mental. And I must say. (I’m so mental that I’m channeling Martin Short’s Ed Grimley, and I must say.)
I don’t know when Thing 1 is moving out/running away. We don’t talk about it. We don’t talk about anything. He’s trying to spend his last week or so hating us as much as possible, so as to justify his leaving.
(Oh. Maybe I didn’t tell you here in my general blog. Thing 1 is leaving the nest and going to Alabama with a friend, who’s mother lives there and is willing to take him in, sight unseen. My son has no money and no job and no plan other than to hop in a truck and move away. He told the dental hygienist this week that he was moving to Alabama for good. Is life free in Alabama? I did not know this. Huh.)
It’s kind of funny in a way how hating us as much as possible doesn’t include eating the meals I prepare. Or enjoying a chilled beverage that your warden furnished. But hey, they get meals and beverages in prison so I suppose it’s like that. With cable t.v. and the internet and a bed with a pillow and comforter. And soap, shampoo, toothpaste and a hot private shower.
It’s killing me that he has no idea what he’s getting himself into. And it’s thrilling me that he has no idea what he’s getting himself into.
Back in my day, when I ran away from home, I enrolled myself in college and got myself a dorm room. But hey, what do I know? According to my oldest, I know pretty much nothing.
I do know that after he leaves I’m going to be a couple of things…a worried mess, and guiltily relieved that we no longer have to walk on eggshells. When someone hates your frickin’ guts and uses each and every thing you say or do against you, it’s unbearable to live with.
I expect you people to pick up the pieces when I fall apart. Thanks.
Until then, I plan on making meals and making my son’s life as miserable as he’s decided I’m making it. (i.e., I might ask him a question or even worse, ask him to take the dog outside! Horrible!) I also plan on getting boxes and making him pack up his room before he goes. With the way it looks untouched, you’d think he wasn’t leaving at all.
“It’s killing me that he has no idea what he’s getting himself into. And it’s thrilling me that he has no idea what he’s getting himself into.”
I’ve been in that place, and can pretty much say it gets better from this place on, except for occasional bouts of latent nuerouses which are generally unavoidable…
Don’t you wonder about those other “cool” moms who are always willing to take somebody else’s kid in, no questions asked?
Obviously they have fallen hook, line, and sinker for some fake sob story … how utterly unreasonable and mean the kid’s horrible parents are … how only they can salvage this poor child’s life.
These people are enablers of the worst sort in my book. I think they must be very needy, in that they have to be the knight-in-shining-armor rescuers. I always think they must have some sort of lack of a real meaning to their lives, coupled with a desire for some sort of drama or stimulus to shake up their dull existance.
And it’s almost always very temporary, because as soon as they have to deal with the usually selfish and self-centered personality of the “poor abused child,” they are ready to disengage at the drop of a hat.
Well, that’s my take on it. I have a feeling Thing 1 is going to be in for a rude awakening.
If I were you, I wouldn’t get too invested in the idea of a fancy new guest room (which is what I did when TinyDancer left home for the first time) …
Hugs to you!
Boxes?? Let him find his own boxes. Just make it clear that whatever is HIS in that room will be gone if he leaves it. And DO make plans for that room, and let him know it will not be HIS anymore once he leaves. That might just open his eyes to the reality of it all….
Beanie – I’m getting boxes so that HE has to pack not ME. And definitely, there are plans for his old room. His little brother wants it. We’ve got lots of rooms if he comes back. He’ll get the itty bitty room with the gignormous list of rules.
Leslie – the family across the street is the Cool House. Every drug-addled kid shows up at their home for a place to flop. The 23ish year old son, who lives there still, provides the beer. And the dad prefers that they get tanked in his home (which doesn’t belong to him, but to his father who is oblivious to everything while he dozes in his bedroom) than out on the street. He has offered to have a heart to heart with my son. Such a mentor! I wonder how his probation officer feels about his mentoring young men. Or his 15 year old’s probation officer feels about alcohol for minors. Makes me wonder about the mom who will be taking in my own son. Do you think she has a probation officer to report to? Oy!
Have I mentioned that the cool people across the street live with grandpa because they’d been booted out of a trailer park over a decade ago? How bad do you have to be to be booted out of a trailer park?
lap – see you soon!
The journey he signed up for this time around on the planet is going to open his eyes more than he can ever imagine. I only hope it opens his heart too. I am so sad you are going through this with your son.
I feel for you K-lo. I am so looking down the same barrel myself with my son. It is so hard to be the mom. Very hard when they don’t want to see how hard you have worked to get them to where they are.
Lets hope he doesn’t spread his wings and fall flat. I hope this trip makes him realize that maybe mom wasn’t wrong, and maybe even come to realize what a help you were.
Best wishes through this tough time.
I think Thing 1 will soon find out that reality bites! Of course he won’t give into his findings on reality immediately, but eventually he will realize that what you have taught him about life is right. Once again, I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way. This will be hard, but keep in mind there are many good parents that have gone through the same thing with their teen/adult kid. They know it all!!!
They don’t tell you about these parts when you sign up for motherhood… I guess it only goes to prove “small children small problems, big children big probems”. I hope he finds out how right you have been and even if he doesn’t admit it is humbled by the experience.
He will grow up, that’s for sure…
Kath, I’ve got my fingers crossed that both you and Thor and Thing 1 survive till he grows up and comes around to realizing how lucky he was to be raised by the parents he’s got. He does have some maturing to do … and it could take years … but one day I’m sure his eyes will open and he’ll have regrets and begin to treat you like gold.
In the meantime … keep the faith, lady.